I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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