it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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