I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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