im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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