you're like a bully in the Christmas story
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
