I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
