Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
