her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
