this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
