He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
