Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
