Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
