I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
