if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
