You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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