that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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