Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
