i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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