I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We were destined to go to rehab together
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
