I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
