So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
