I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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