is your mom at the bar?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
