if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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