The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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