I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i've created a new STD.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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