just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
