i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
