Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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