If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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