i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
