I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
