As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize