I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
