Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
