Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize