kristin has been a bad kristin
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize