I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
