My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
