I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
