we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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