My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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