I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
as a side note pls kill me
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