Only a mothe r could love this liver
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It was confusing and full of hummus
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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