My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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