The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
