Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
