i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I skipped work to stalk him.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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