Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
