Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
