My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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