that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
