I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
