If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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