I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
