If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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