i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize