Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
