i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
