I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
