I'm so fucking centered right now
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
