I am puke
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
