i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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