My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
