if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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