i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
