I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
