She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
